Mute

I just want to say how sorry I am.

Sorry for the things I did, sorry for the things I said.

But most of all, I'm sorry for the things I didn't do, for the things I didn't say.

Of course I loved you, in fact I still do. But I can't say it, i just can’t.

I try. God, I try, but the words won’t come out.

It’s like I open my mouth and there’s no fucking sound.

Like I’m mute.

Suddenly, I couldn’t say it.

And I don’t think I can now.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to, it seems impossible, like I’m not capable of showing you how much I fucking love every single thing about you.

Sometimes I get ready for days, just to say those three words, but when the moment comes, i shut down.

I’m just there, mouth open like some stupid fish, staring at this amazing person you’ve become, thinking:

“What the fuck am I gonna say? Forget it. I could never put this into words."

Because I don’t even know what I’m thinking half the time.

I just know you're... just perfect. You're you.

I think of you and words disappear, it’s like a burst of light, like trying to describe magic, otherworldly, kind of godlike, honestly.

So yeah, I know I’m not the best at showing how I feel.

I know you deserve someone who gives more.

Someone better.

I'm really sorry.

—The asshole.