Missing You: A Contradiction Unto Itself

so i never miss you,

not really,

well…

at least until i look into those brown eyes of yours,

and when your gaze connects with mine an ache settles in my chest,

which tells me that although i hadn’t felt it, i should have missed you.

but after a few seconds your gaze darts from mine,

and after a few moments,

i stop missing you once more.

i never miss you,

not really,

well…

at least until i hear your laugh and i start seeking that bright smile of yours,

and, when i see it, my hearts seems to skip a thousand beats, for a sorrow to then settle in the organ between my ribs.

but after a few seconds of watching you,

my mind seems to remind my heart it shouldn’t want you anymore,

and i stop missing you once more.

i never miss you,

not really,

well…

at least until i dream of you,

and as i remember how good we used to be, my heart seems to scream your name, seems to call you home.

but after a few scenes play in my mind, of how everything turned out,

my hearts scream turns from longing to hateful,

and i stop missing you once more.

i never miss you,

not really,

well…

at least until i hear your name being said,

and as i remember how you liked the way it sounds in my lips,

i wish you could hear it with such love being poured in the pronunciation of each letter once again.

but after a few seconds, i remember it doesn’t sound so loving when it comes out of my lips nowadays,

and i stop missing you once more.

i wonder if it’ll forever be like this,

if i’ll always see glimpses of you, of us and remember what loving you felt like.

i wonder if i’ll ever get to love you again, even if i shouldn’t.

i wonder if you feel this too - this irregular longing, that never seems to decide whether it wants to stay or not.

i wonder if your lips still taste the same, or if they now carry the bite of that whisky you love.

i wonder how it would feel to punish you a little for all the things you should have done.

i wonder if your fingers would caress my skin differently, feel a little bit more hard against my soft.

i wonder if cursing you would make me feel better.

my feelings for you are a contradiction.

how fitting i guess,

we were always a contradiction anyways.