but your smile killed me first.

I no longer expect myself

to expect from you,

because there is no time in your time,

there is no time for what we had created.

But every now and then

I am afraid to wonder

if it will be postponed indefinitely

or will it be gone forever.

My chest burns so much

if the days approach when I will see you

even for a millisecond

and you disappear again,

my mind tortures me so much

but in the end

everything is just a simple look

and a goodbye from you, hopefully.

And I wonder if I should one day

confess and ask for your forgiveness

for thinking about you so much

when I know that

you would never imagine what is going on

about you in me.

I no longer expect to have something from you,

I shouldn't,

God only really knows

how much I fought to push you away

like this in my mind

and my heart,

I lost both battles

and I disappointed myself.

I have so much free time,

no matter what distraction I seek,

the thought of you slowly kills me,

and it stays there

digging so deep.