The Space Between Us

It’s been a week since I left the space that hurted me… and somehow I started feeling like every single moment was just a part of my imagination. Every touch, every talk, every look, every kind moment, was just my imagination? how? why? I really don’t understand.

And maybe I’m writting this because I want to find how and when this way of love started to be an imaginary journey. But it was real, at least for me.

A time ago I met someone, at first sight didn’t capture my attention, until one day I look at him and say ‘’mmm… he looks like (insert the name of and australian singer part of a australian band that turns to be my birthday twin)’ and since then I could’t stop looking at him.

The first weeks we didn’t talk, we didn’t interact, until one day that I disided to say ‘goodbye’ one friday… then… one day he says ‘hello’ and put his hand on my waist, and was funny because I haven’t feel that kind of touch since a long time before, for that time we had lunch together… we talked and we kind of connected.

I started liked him so I started putting attention on him… that’s how I notice his attention to one of my friend, it hurted but I still feeling a kind of attention from him… then one day we had a deep deep talk, we left work around 8pm. And I fell so hard… with when he noticing something, when we talked, when we interact… god I started thinking that he felt the same.

And on October I felt more attention of him… for that time I accepted that I like him but we will never became something because I knew that he was just being kind, a classy work mate, but on October… something felt different.

He started talking to me in random moments… whit the most random questions, started to looking to my stories, my profile photo, and directly said me ‘oh I looked to your profile photo already’ when we didn’t even talk on whatsapp since days ago… or ‘yeah I talking about you with other people I’ll not say to you what I talk’ and a kind of attention that felt different… but I didn’t how to take it… he felt something for me? he was just being a kind like a friend? or what happened to him started to act like this.

It’s moments like that I repeat now in my head like… why did he ask me about this concert that I was 3 weeks ago just now when he was working and abrutally get up and went to my place and said randomly ‘Oh you just when to The Killers concert right?’, or when the day ended and I went to say goodbye and I started to walk he ask me ‘Have you went to a concert recently?’.

Or moments like I was walked down stairs and he look at me and say ‘Hey’ and make a peace sign, every single moment that I passed by… or when we had lunch at the same table and talking to me looking to my eyes straight, an intense look to my eyes… or even when I felt a look and I moved my head and find him looking to me, or just say me thanks, a lot of times, when I give him something….

Or even that little random hugs… or when he told me on new years eve that ‘He was so grateful that met me that year’ or when, the ‘I don’t like parties guy’ wanted to make and after party when I joke about it and say ‘perfect, the after party in your house’

And then she started to be on this timeline… and that changed, I looked at them talking, playing with their hands, hugging, touching and what? she had a boyfriend… like why are they acting like this? and somehow the attention that was for me ended and I felt that a made a mistake, maybe because I start feeling weird whit the way of his attention, he felt bored and looked to a different direction.

I didn’t understand… I just imagine everything? or what happened?

And months passed by… we used to say ‘Hi’ or ‘Hello’ with a kiss and a hug… and then started to be a general ‘hello’ and sometimes was just silent… was I wrong?

And then the most stupid thing happened… I felt exposed… I felt betrayed… everyone was talking about me, about something that I said… but I really didn’t make something wrong… and didn’t make something on purpose… intentionally to hurt, harm, or injure anyone, but especially not him.

• 'Oh, she said he was stalking her.'

• 'Oh, she made up this story.'

• 'Oh, she's quiet, but shy girls are the worst.'

• 'Oh, she imagined this story.'

• 'Oh, she's a gossipy girl.'

• 'Oh, did she really think he'd notice her?’

But I was only trying to be a friend of my friend… and then everyone help to feel that my friendship wasn’t real.

I hated that everyone was talking about me, made it up stories that I never said… and I didn’t want that he think about me like that… I send him a text because I wanted to talk… and he ignored it. And I just wanted to say that I never said anything of that.

And ever that we talked days later… I really felt that he didn’t believed me… so I put myself safe… started to eat alone, leave alone, work alone, because even my team work didn’t talk to me… but I never say anything of that.

I didn’t trust anyone, I didn’t feel confortable with anyone so I started to be more quiet, tripple think about what I would say because I didn’t want they make a gossip or a joke about it.

And then one day someone said me what happened and what he said… obviously I didn’t super trust about but it made sense…

• ‘’He said he would never notice you or date you... he said it with disgust, because yeah we know, but please of course he would... he was so desperate he would have slept with anyone, even you.’’

Wow… it was just a funny entertaiment? I didn’t know what hurted me more… he saying something about me with disgust… or ‘my friends’ saying it like nothing… ‘he would have slept with anyone, even you’… what was that ‘even you’?

And I wanted to listen to him say that he never said anything of that but if we'd barely talked when I asked him to we clarify about what happened… he’ll never talk to me about that. Days later I knew that this gossip becomes so hug because of her.

So, I forced myself to stop looking to him, talking to him, thinking about him, feel something for him… but barely get it.

Months passed by… and I get a new job… after months being quited, being on a side line… being ignored, just living counting the minutes to leave that place.

On my last day there I wanted to feel free, to not be silent about what I felt… so I make 3 letters, 2 for the only 2 people that I had a kind of friendship and him… but even when I really didn’t want an answer… the answer was so cold that maybe it’s reason why I’m writting this… because now I know that maybe it wasn’t real that everything was in my head, in my imagination…

Sometimes I wonder if I made it all up — the glances, the energy, the quiet understanding that seemed to live between us. Maybe it was all in my head. But even if it was, it changed me. It made me feel something I hadn’t felt in years — alive, curious, open, vulnerable.

There was no ending, no closure, not really. Just a slow fading of something I could never quite hold. I kept searching for proof that it was real, as if love needed evidence to exist. But maybe what happened between us was meant to live only in that invisible space — between what’s said and what’s felt.

He became the mirror that showed me everything I still needed to heal. He woke up parts of me that were asleep. He reminded me what connection can do, even when it doesn’t last.

So no, it wasn’t all in my imagination. It was real — not because hr stayed, but because it moved me. Because even in silence, it left a trace that no illusion ever could.

And maybe that’s enough.

And for those who’ve loved in silence…

If you’ve ever felt something that no one else seemed to see — a connection so quiet, yet so consuming — I hope you know it was still real. Not every story is meant to be told out loud, and not every love is meant to stay. Some arrive only to remind us what our hearts are capable of feeling.

Sometimes, love doesn’t end with words or closure. It just transforms — into lessons, into strength, into a softer version of ourselves. We don’t lose because someone doesn’t choose us; we learn what it means to choose ourselves again.

Maybe you won’t get answers, or the ending you imagined. But the truth is, not everything that changes you has to stay. What matters is that you allowed yourself to feel deeply, to care without measure, to believe in something invisible but powerful.

Let it make you wiser, not bitter. Let it remind you that love — even when it doesn’t last — is never wasted.

Because the heart doesn’t keep score of who stayed. It remembers who awakened it.