The demon and the mortal

I knew you were bad news

the second time

you came to my life,

you changed your name,

I didn't ask why;

I loved you like the first time,

that's on me, I wanted so bad

something I could believe in.

As long as being forgiven

I tried to make amends,

So I prayed to god:

Lord, if this is your will,

I'll make sure I won't fall,

I promise to persevere.

So I took my second chance

but my conscience

didn't let me sleep,

truth used to keep me alert.

I prayed and I prayed:

Jesus, forgive my sins

and I promise

to keep the wounds to myself,

this will be the last time,

we'll meet you at the altar,

our children will be born

hearing your word,

she'll be my woman

and I'll be her wife.

Too late, I realized

I could never be able to marry

a soulless mind.

Obscure thoughts

attached to a body,

a body attached to mine,

so I took her shadow

and slept next to her

I managed to keep breathing,

even though there was no point.

I kept my pain out of her sight,

at least there wasn't blood.

But every night,

my howls were louder

and my heart was heavier,

the lies were still inside.

God, I came to realize

this is only my desire,

you should send her free,

I already accepted my fate.

The third time you came around

I took my curse as an asset.

If being by your side will harm,

maybe I deserve it,

we were both bad.

So I played the demon

and you played the mortal,

we were supposed

to devour solely our flesh,

I could only quench

from my lover's mouth dribble,

I became a worshipper

of her beautiful shape,

life was only worth

if she was mine.

So little I knew I was never hers,

she never proclaimed me,

the nook I occupied on her chest

was never my home,

the scent of her neck

was public knowledge.

The alternate reality I created

were crumbling

Was I really mad?

Or didn't I see the facts?

How come I am the only one

getting hurt?

Was my love

never considered?

How come my body

is not your church?

Why am I the only devotee?

Is this gonna end?

I write this letter

with the last strength to fight.

On its behalf,

nor my body

that fled you,

nor my heart

that adored you,

but my soul that awaited

for her counterpart.

My death wasn’t

a consequence of your flaws,

it was never about

your humanness.

My mourning, it’s not

because of your love,

I know how to let them go.

I sinned like a human

and she kept my secret.

She was gifted, I was numb,

her presence was invented,

her eyes were written,

her laughs were scripted,

her words were rehearsed.

What is it in me?

What is this that I got?

that make you stay

even if you’re never around,

How do you do it?

to feed me nothing

and get me on my knees

every time I needed to break free

What's really in your heart?

Is this sad kid still alive?

or is that storyline already dismissed?

01/21