tainted love

you don't get to love me at my worst when it is you who brings me there

you don't get to embrace my imperfections when you make it so clear that they are such

you don't get to take one look at me after your eyes have layed upon so many others

and you don't get to stab my back with practiced words of love

not after I've taught you them

not after I've begged for them

not after my throat broke into sobs night after night trying to soothe itself to sleep

you don't get to take my hands and swear that you'll love me forever

you don't get to strain my heart until the last drop of blood is gone

you don't get to pout and cry and shout and weep and stay

you don't get to feign interest for my troubled mind

not when you feed its monsters

not when you look the other way

not when you ask it to be quiet just so you can tolerate me another day

if I break, I'm on my own

and if I don't, you play along

so I will act the part of the sweet lover, of the cool partner, of she who takes all worries away

I will punch a hole into myself to make room for who you want

I will mold a replacement to fill the space, to make us whole

maybe then I'll be enough

maybe then I won't disgust you

maybe then the world won't crumble and I won't see it all so blue