rant on a lie

Was it fun?

Was it worth it?

Did you enjoy her talks while my back was turned?

Did you laugh at her jokes while you heard my snores?

Were you really, oh, so innocent in not knowing what it was?

Did you stop to think of me?

Did you guess how I would feel?

Could you, really, not find a chance to tell me?

Did my open heart and willingness to take it all in scare you?

Frustrate you?

Did you think you would regret it?

Or were you expecting to leave it all buried?

How could you look me in the eye time and time again and lie?

With your full chest, at that.

Did you stop to think about our trust?

Did you care that it would break?

Did you expect that I would, too?

How can I believe again?

How can I cast this all away?

How can I wish it to be okay?

Was I too foolish to believe?

Was I stupid or naive?

Is it correct to hug you now?

Should I be scared for what I lack?

For all my fears to be fulfilled,

after all we've built.

Is it okay to accept your "sorry"?

Should I be meaner?

Should I bite back?

Should I just sit in the dark,

staring into the distance,

while all I can think is "how"?