I miss you

I miss you.
I miss the way your soul would light up at the sight of my name,
the way your words poured endlessly like rain,
those long messages and paragraphs filled with love, reassurance, desire,
each sentence warming my heart like fire.

I miss when losing me terrified you more than your pride,
when you held my trembling heart and stayed by my side.
You repeated soft promises again and again,
just to quiet the storms raging in my head.

Now I sit here trying to understand your silence,
searching your mind like a lonely traveler in darkness.
Are you trapped in old memories?
Fighting fears about the future?
Running from your feelings while your emotions tear each other apart?

And while I try to understand you…
I am slowly disappearing too.
Fading quietly, painfully,
loving you so deeply it is destroying me softly.

I pray to God every night to protect my fragile heart,
because for you I lowered every wall, every guarded part.
I left my soul uncovered, vulnerable and bare,
hoping your love would still find its way there.

I know how to protect myself.
I know how to lock my heart away.
But I keep giving it one more day… and another day…
hoping we find our way back to each other,
hoping your heart remembers mine before mine finally learns.

Because if I close these doors again,
it will not be temporary pain.
This time the lock will be endless, unbreakable, cold.